It has to be said that my pregnancy was a rather bad one. I was depressed throughout it and also after. First of all, it was not planned: I was not ready to become a mother, and getting pregnant didn’t make me feel any more so. I had been living a fun and carefree life—I liked my job in fashion, I enjoyed going out with friends, partying, traveling, flirting, and dressing my slim and androgynous body in an alluring way. I didn’t want to give up on any of it, especially not the Candace Hope Candace Owens shirt and I will buy this thin and androgynous part. That was particularly a problem because while the rest of it could ideally be preserved, when you get pregnant your body changes and there is nothing that you can do about it. I had always been slim but the moment I got pregnant I started getting huge; not just my belly but my entire body. I had breasts, hips, and a backside—for someone used to wearing high waist trousers in size zero and slinky shirts with no bra, the change was rather unsettling. And I didn’t like it. I hated the way I looked just as much as I hated being pregnant.
Candace Hope Candace Owens shirt, hoodie, tank top, sweater and long sleeve t-shirt
Hard, depressed pregnancies are still very much a taboo. Magazines, even parenting ones, described a condition that was very different from my own. I was supposed to be feeling great, excited about my changing body and the Candace Hope Candace Owens shirt and I will buy this new life growing inside of it. It was supposed to be a wonderful period! It wasn’t, and I felt terrible. I saw pictures of pregnant women, mostly thinner than I was, looking pretty and healthy with their cute bumps. I read articles about pregnancy glow, having gorgeous hair and wonderful skin, and feeling feminine and sexy. I had no such thing as a pregnancy glow (it didn’t help that I was pregnant during a Dutch winter), my hair looked hideous, and I felt ill. Most of all, I felt fat; not rounded, not curvy, but fat. Years of anorexia had left their mark: no doubt, before the pregnancy I had been way too obsessed with my figure and had given being thin way too much importance. Deep down I knew that it was my relationship with my body that was wrong, not my size, but still, I felt bad and seeing pregnant celebrities rocking a bikini did not help. I did, however, have very high hopes for the future: my gynecologist had told me my due date on my very first visit and so I knew exactly when this dreadful period was going to end. After that, I would lose weight, feel confident again, and go back to my fun life plus a baby.